"It's the end of the World as We Know It..."

By order of the President, the House and Senate of the United States met in emergency session over the weekend to pass sweeping legislation that will affect the lives of every man, woman and child in the United States. Following the elections last week, the President issued an Executive Order that the school board in Pennsylvania be reinstated after the voters threw out the entire school board because they wanted to teach creationism in the schools. The very next day, the president issued a second Executive Order that evolution could no longer be taught in any school in the country, and that from now on only creationism would be taught. Finally, with the news last Friday that scientists had discovered a fossil that they "claimed" was 135 million years old, the President felt he was forced to call the emergency session of Congress.

As the vast majority of Americans believe that God's way is the only way and that the Bible is necessarily so, the United States is moving forward into a new era. Now that religion is so important to so many Americans, steps must be taken to ensure that their beliefs are honored in every aspect of our society.

The bill passed by Congress unanimously yesterday, makes it a crime to teach science in school. Furthermore, science will be completely stripped from the rest of our lives. The only explanation for existence, of any kind, will come from the pages of the Holy Bible. If something can't be justified in biblical terms, it will simply not be allowed to exist.

This morning, the Government issued a partial list of 20,000 items that must be turned into government collection stations by the end of this month. The list is much too long to post here, but let it suffice to say that anything electronic is on that list. Game Boys, Xboxes, and any other sort of electronic game, have absolutely no justification in Biblical terms. Rock 'n roll, Hip-Hop, Rap are gone. Madonna, Michael Jackson, the Backstreet Boys... will simply cease to exist under the new laws.

Furthermore, there'll be no science section in any public library. Any other books that contain any sort of scientific explanation, will be edited, and if the science can't be replaced by religion, the book will be banned. Anyone discussing anything scientific will be brought up on charges. And anyone caught doing any kind of scientific research will be executed.

For religious people everywhere, this is a time of jubilation. Finally, the country has come to its senses and all can rejoice that confusing sciences has now been eradicated from our lives. Rejoice people! This is the end of days.